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The Home That Yard Sales Built

How to conquer life's obstacles one bargain at a time!

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decorating

How to Make an Upscale Chia Pet Alternative in Five Easy Steps or: ONE MAN’S PAST IS ANOTHER GAL’S TREASURE

So you say you long for the nostalgia of ch-ch-ch-chia…but you want a unique and elegant alternative?  Well read on my sprout loving friend, read on!

 

If you have a pulse you have probably, at some time or another, either owned a Chia Pet, seen a Chia Pet, or at least seen the Chia Pet commercial.  They debuted in the late seventies and are still made today.



I recently found a treasure that got my mental gears spinning.  It all started when I saw the item pictured below:

 

There he sat, at an estate sale in Pacific Palisades, partially obstructed from my view by a table and a set of redwood patio furniture.  I was immediately drawn to this object, for what reason I cannot explain, but I really liked it.  After staring at it for a bit, I realized that the grooves in his “hair” were somewhat reminiscent of Chia Pets and I thought to myself:  “Hey!  I could grow sprouts on that crazy cool head!”  A deal was struck with the proprietress and I was the proud new owner of a well, er, whatever this is exactly.  Not quite a bust, certainly not a statue, but…something!

 

When I brought it home, my original plan involved Chia seeds.  I even went so far as to purchase some at my local Trader Joe’s.  If you live in a much warmer climate than I, or if you want to grow yours indoors, you could go this route.  As it turns out, Chia seeds need a steady temperature in at least the high seventies for optimal growth.  Night time temps here get fairly crisp, even when the weather is moderately warm during the day, so that was out for me.  I knew I wanted to display this item in the garden.

 

This was actually a bit of a blessing, because the more I imagined the finished product in my mind, the more I could see that I wanted something a little bit more subtle, a little more refined.  Not that I object to campy or even outright silly, but in this case, it just didn’t fit.  I didn’t want the objet d’garden art to look like a chlorophyll rich Phil Spector, for heaven’s sake!

 

I had some things left over from another gardening project and I wanted to use what I had on hand. I had some succulents, including a large flat of a fairly small and low-growing variety. After eyeballing them side by side I came to the conclusion that the succulent ground cover just wasn’t going to work.  I very loosely laid it on top just to be sure, but as you can see, it looked flat out redonkulous.

 

 

I’ve been a little obsessed with moss lately, so, after a hearty laugh, I went instead with a few different varieties of moss (all gathered from the yard) with a few tiny succulents thrown in for good measure.  Here’s how to make it all happen:

 

Step 1.  Buy a crazy random item for one dollar.  Mine is a head, but it could be ANYTHING!  You could use a garden gnome, an animal statue of some sort, or something simple such as an orb.  Spritz your item with water.

 

 

Step 2.  Apply a small amount of enriched soil on the moistened item.  Spritz liberally once more.


 

Step 3.  Apply moss in sections, pressing down firmly as you go along.  Spritz the back of each section with water before applying and wet thoroughly after each section is attached.



Helpful hint:  Shortly after beginning this project at an outdoor table, I realized that transport was going to be problematic until it was well established (a couple of weeks at least.)  Even though it was a bit awkward to finish everything with the head already on the ground, I set it into place and finished everything up there.

 

Helpful hint:  I used three different types of moss because I wanted a mottled surface.  I didn’t want it to look too uniform.  Whatever type you use is up to you.

 

Step 4.  Add a few random succulent pieces.  Base the size of your pieces on the size of the item you’re using.  Mine were quite small.  Succulents are very hardy and quite resilient.  I grow them often by simply breaking off a piece from one plant and shoving it into a pot or the ground…AND THEY ACTUALLY GROW!  No need to root them in water, just let ‘em go at it!

 

Step 5.  Mist until well soaked.  You’re done!

 

Some follow-up:

It is important to keep your item well watered for the first few weeks.  Once it takes firm hold you won’t need to be quite as vigilant.  Moss needs very little water and can tolerate more than you might imagine.

After I finished mine I decided the neck looked odd because the ground around it was so bare.  My garden is a work in progress…other than some trees nearly everything in the yard was dead, with no grass, etc.  Since I’m renting, I am keeping my budget as low as possible in the back yard.  So far I’ve found some plants at yard sales and done a few things, but because the ground is still empty overall, I just thought the head needed a little extra something.  Using some moss and unplanted succulents from another project, I filled in just a bit around the base.

 

Another alternative is to “paint” your item with a moss sludge (I actually went back and added just a bit after steps one through five, just for good measure.)  I wanted instant results, at least to some degree (it will still have to grow in and really fill in, this is just a start), so I didn’t use solely a moss sludge, but for details on how to go this route, check out the following link:

 

 

http://wp.me/p2YY9u-cU

 

 

Now that you’ve seen how to make it, I’d like to tell you a little more about the history behind it.

After completing the transaction, the woman running the sale and I chatted further, and details began to emerge that made my recent acquisition seem all the more precious.  What follows is the Reader’s Digest Condensed version of the story that she shared.

 

Her parents, both from the Ukraine, met in New York and fell in love.  Her mother, a free-spirited creative type, was an avid gardener and artist.  There were examples of her pottery throughout the sale.  The items she had amassed over her life were varied and interesting.  Some of them rough, some of them refined.  Most of them interesting.  The head was made by her mother and the model was her father.  Sweet story.

 

Now I am loving this item more and more.

 

Then she continues.  Her parents (separately, having not yet met) left the Ukraine during the Holocaust.  Her father’s story was compelling.  When he was a young man, he was rounded up and packed into a train car with over 100 other Ukrainians.  Everyone on the train was a stranger to him, with the exception of his lifelong best friend.  He and his fellow captives saw little avenue for escape.  The train was speeding along, far from any town, the doors were locked and the only ventilation on the train car was a TINY window at the very top of the wall, near the ceiling, far out of reach of all on board.  The general consensus was that all was lost.

 

Against the advice of his fellow prisoners he and his friend were determined to attempt an exit through this tiny window.  First his friend, and then he were boosted up by some of the others on board and managed to wriggle through the window.  He was knocked unconscious when he hit the ground for, he believed, over an hour.  His time estimate was based on the frequency with which trains passed through the area and the fact that the noise of an approaching train is what brought him back to consciousness.  Realizing that being spotted by a passing train meant likely death, he scurried away from the tracks and into a wooded area as quickly as he could manage.  He was unable to find his friend, because the train was going so fast that even going one after the other they were far apart.  He never saw his friend again.  He never knew if his friend survived the fall, if he did whether he was able to find his way out of the country or whether he might have been found during his attempted escape.

 

But the woman’s father did escape.  He left his home and came to the United States.  He met a crazy, quirky and beautiful woman.  He took her to southern California for their honeymoon and she refused to ever leave again.  Refused.  He went back to New York, packed their things and drove back across the country…WHILE SHE STAYED IN CALIFORNIA (this gal wasn’t kidding folks!)  With no job, no home, no clear plan.  He just leapt.  Again.  And when he told the story to his children, or to friends he told the story with laughter and love.  He cherished his quirky wife and her headstrong attitude.

 

He bought a home, raised his children and lived his version of the American dream.  Because he took a chance, because he flung himself from a speeding train, flung himself into an unknown country and flung himself willy-nilly into his life with his family.

 

I didn’t ask how he died (it was a true estate sale…both parents were gone) but we know how he DIDN’T die.  It is estimated that upwards of four million Ukrainians were killed in the holocaust.  This man wasn’t one of them.  In the face of one of the ugliest examples of what mankind can be capable, he survived.  And he didn’t become ugly simply because he had experienced ugliness.  He loved.  He lived.

 

They say that one person’s trash is another person’s treasure.

 

Well, in this case, one person’s past has become another person’s treasure.  It’s not just another purchase…it is something which will BE treasurED.  It’s a Chia Survivor!  A Chia Hero!

 

And just in case you are wondering if my repurposing this piece into garden art is disrespectful in some way, I told the woman at the sale (before she told me her parent’s story) what I had in mind and she was 100% on board.  After hearing the story I mentioned that now it seemed a little, well, frivolous.  She disagreed.  She thought her mother, especially, would have loved it.

 

I know that every time I look at “the head”, I will be reminded of the journey that lead it to my garden.

 

Fling yourself headfirst at life people!  You never know who you will touch along the way, or even after you’re gone.  Make all of those touches meaningful…touches for which you know you’ll be proud to be remembered!


-Laura  

GROW YOUR OWN MOSS FOR GRAFFITI AND MORE!

So, you say you want to propagate some moss on a rolling stone?  Well read on…

 

This simple recipe works for growing moss on rocks, planters, walls, garden statuary, pots and more.  Whether you’re in the mood to tag your house with some kick-a%& moss graffiti or are looking for a more traditional approach, the most cost effective way to get started is by making a moss sludge (milkshake/slurry.)

 

There are many, many resources online for propagating moss, this is the recipe that I have used.

You will need:

* Moss

* Yogurt

* Buttermilk

* An item you wanna “moss up reeeeal good.”

*Paint brush and/or spatula

*Rubber gloves (it’s up to you people…if you want to forgo the rubber gloves and live like animals, I’m not going to stop you.)

*Snacks…you always need snacks.

Step 1.  Gather moss and supplies.  You want a decent amount of moss.  Depending on the size of your project you can even fill the blender nearly full, let’s say ¾ of the way.  I used three different types of moss when I made this milkshake because I  was looking for a variegated pattern, but using more than one type of moss has the added benefit of giving the moss more chances to do well in your yard.  You never know which variety will take hold best, and this way you are throwing a wider net.  You can gather moss from your own yard (best if you have some, because you know it will grow there), get some from a friend or neighbor, order it online or even buy some at your local home improvement store or garden center.  I used two types from my yard and one type, left over from another project, which I purchased at Home Depot.

 

Step 2.  Place the moss in the blender and add about two or three cups of yogurt mixed with buttermilk

Helpful hint:  You may add a bit of sugar if you like, you may add a tiny bit of fertilizer and if you don’t have yogurt or buttermilk, you may substitute beer.  You may add beer to the yogurt and buttermilk concoction if you like (again:  wide net) but it’s not necessary.

 

Step 3. Blend on high until the mixture is VERY well blended.  Some moss enthusiasts prefer a thin mix, I prefer slightly thicker, as I have found that it is much easier to use.

Don’t stop yet…keep blendin’!



Nope, I know you are anxious, but it’s not done yet, keep going!

 

Helpful hint:  During the mixing and blending process, I kept a few spices on hand, such as tarragon, oregano or even run of the mill pepper.  Not because they are necessary for the recipe, but so that if my daughter wandered into the kitchen while I was in the middle of the project and asked what on earth I was making I could happily chirp:  “DINNER!” and watch the look on her face.  This step is optional, but quite honestly, the most entertaining.



NOW it’s finished!

Do your best to hold back.  I know this looks TOTES appetizing, but do NOT be tempted to lick your fingers or spread it on toast.  You’ll be disappointed.  Just ask my daughter.  If you’re feeling inclined to give it a try, this is a good time to fall back on the snacks you were supposed to include when you gathered your supplies.  I hope you didn’t get something lame like carrot sticks, because you’re going to be disappointed.

 

Step 4.  Skip your happy self outside and go to town with that nasty lookin’ stuff!  You can use a paint brush, spatula, or your hand (your rubber gloved hand!) to spread it onto walls, onto rocks, onto the ground, yard art, or, if you’re feeling particularly industrious, onto any exceptionally sedentary members of your household.  Baseball season and “Game of Thrones” marathons are two good options for when to attempt that particular project.


 

Helpful hints:  Most types of moss prefer shade, so try to choose a shaded location to grow your moss.  There are varieties that will tolerate some sun, but make sure that’s what you have if you want to try a sunny spot.  Also, be sure you’ve moved anything you will be removing eventually, such as leaves before you pour/spread it out on soil.

 

Follow up steps:  Keep an eye on the moss and keep it moist.  A fine misting is plenty once per day until it’s latched on well and seems to be thriving.  Keep in mind that this won’t happen overnight, so hang in there!

 

If you do “moss up” a loved one, be sure to keep them out of direct sunlight and take plenty of pictures.

 

Happy gardening!


-Laura

THE BETTER WAY TO STORE YOUR BLING!

So you say your jewelry needs a home?  Read on my well accessorized friend, read on.



This week’s project is quick and easy, anyone can do it, and (hint!hint! fellas) it’s a great surprise project that will make your significant other giddy with joy!  Imagine the look on your loved one’s face when they come home to find what you’ve made for them!

Do you have too much bling for a small jewelry box, but want something a little more unique than those mass produced jewelry cabinets?  By using a piece of furniture you already own, or finding an inexpensive one second-hand, you can have something much better, for much less!

 

Over the years I have accumulated jewelry.  Most of it from yard sales. I thin the crop from time to time, but I find that with jewelry, you just never know when you’re going to need that one quirky necklace, that classic cuff bracelet or those Ren and Stimpy shrinky dink earrings (IT COULD HAPPEN!  I MIGHT WEAR THEM AGAIN!)   As I have an affinity for vintage jewelry (and have a more difficult time discarding the vintage pieces) my collection needs a home.

 

We’ve all had experience with attempting to make jewelry storage work in a small box or drawer.  It doesn’t.  But does this mean we’re doomed to a lifetime of untangling necklaces which have seemingly fused together in one giant mass, or searching in futility for the mate to your favorite earring?

 

Fear not!  All of your jewelry storage issues can be solved in an afternoon!

 

Here is a step by step on how to make it happen:

Step 1.  Measure the inside of the cabinet, drawer or drawers you plan to convert.  

 

Step 2.  Cut foam core  (it’s a bit like poster board, only thicker.  It has a layer of, you guessed it, foam, in between the layers of thick paper) to the size of the drawer.  The size should be pretty darn close to the size of the drawer.  You can go a SMIDGE smaller to allow room for the fabric and batting, but I kept mine within ¼ of an inch.

 

Step 3.  Lay foam core on top of batting.  Cut batting about 1 ½” wider on all four sides than the piece of foam core.

 

Sidenote:  In case you’re wondering no, step 2b. was not “have a glass of wine or three”…my pictures just didn’t turn out so well.  Apologies for the blurry ones above and below!  :/


Step 3.  Do the same with the stretch velvet, cutting the velvet just a little wider than the batting.

 

Side note:  The back of these pieces are not visible at all once they are installed, so I didn’t even try to do a neat job when I was cutting the batting.  My scissors were old and dull and it all looks like a hot mess…, but don’t fret, it doesn’t matter one whit once it’s all in place.



Step 4.  Begin taping first the batting and then the velvet to the back of the foam core.  I have tried this with other projects and duct tape works best, as long as one is not worried about the back of the project looking “clean.”  I have used glue, staples and other forms of tape.  None were as effective.  If it matters to you how the backside of the foam core looks, you can cover it with black felt after you finish.  Start with one good sized piece on the center of each side.  It doesn’t stay in place super easily at first.  It’s more manageable if you enlist the help of a willing friend, or an unwilling teenager who would rather be watching John Green videos on youtube.  Your helping hand can then hold the fabric in place while you tape, or vice-versa.

 

It is important to pull the batting and fabric taut, but not too taut, or it makes it even more difficult for the tape to hold both in place.  It’s not an exact science.  You’ll figure it out as you go along.  🙂

Step 5.  Continue taping the batting as if duct tape grows on trees, next, tape the fabric as well, until it is completely covered.  Then put several additional layers of tape over what you’ve already done, in order to secure it in place.  On the corners, pull it towards the center, forming a pleat and tape like crazy.  Watch as it slips out of place.  Swear.  Tape again.  Invent new swear words.  Tape yet again.  When you have effectively depleted the duct tape rainforest to such a degree that Pete Seeger is knocking around some ideas for a song about you, add one more layer, and then rest.


Once you’re ready to “hammer out” the remainder of the project, move on to the next step:


Step 6.  Place in drawer.  If you did it just right it should be just a little tight.  That way it won’t slide around inside the drawer.  My pictures aren’t too great…it looks as if the fabric is wrinkled, but I’m not sure why…I think the flash picking up the nap of the fabric.  The stretch velvet actually stayed wrinkle free.

 

Step 7.  For the left hand side of my cabinet, which was an open space rather than drawers, I added LED tap lighting.  It would have been fine without, but it was a little dark, and not only that, but the lights made things sparkle and look pretty.  These amounted to a decent portion of my budget for this project, around seven dollars at Target for two, but in the end, I think it was worth it.  They install easily with double sided foam tape (included.)


Next I added hooks to the inside of the cabinet doors and to the inside of the open cabinet compartment.  Because this was a reasonably decent piece of furniture, I used Contact brand adhesive hooks, which won’t damage surfaces.  I had an old pine armoire years ago that I used for a similar purpose and used chrome screw in cup hooks.  I actually prefer the look of the cup hooks AND they hold larger items more comfortably.  Whenever I attempt a project such as this one I always try to allow room to grow.  In this instance I added more hooks than I need right now.

 

For the interior of the cabinet, in addition to hooks and the tap light, I added another black velvet liner for the “floor”, a black velvet jewelry display for necklaces and bracelets, and I also used some decorative dishes for storing extra bracelets.  I found my velvet jewelry display stand at a yard sale for a dollar, but they’re not priced out of reach even at full retail.  They are available in a few different styles and sizes at JoAnn Fabric and Craft stores for between 2.99 and 29.99, are frequently on sale and JoAnn also offers a weekly 40% off coupon for one item.

 

Here is a link to the JoAnn website showing the display stands:

 

http://www.joann.com/search/_velvet%20jewelry%20stand/

 

Here is a link to their coupon page.  There is almost ALWAYS a 40% off coupon.  I used mine for my fabric:

 

http://www.offers.com/joann/?path=bpa-r2zo-gls-100a1a&ablpid=2344&kw_id=582-417989&k_click_id=1ffda10f-2467-7a69-0372-00004c54e048

 

You can also get the JoAnn app for your smartphone.  This way you always have the coupon on hand and don’t need the weekly flier.

I tried to keep like items together, pins, earrings, rings, etc.



The wider, lower top drawer was perfect for extra long or heavy necklaces and I also used it to store jewelry cleaning supplies.



All in all, I was pleased with the outcome!

 

I ended up with two extra drawers, and lined those with velvet inserts as well, because I had enough left over materials.  The extra drawers could be used for sweaters, delicates, etc.  Either way, it’s bonus storage!  🙂

 

I spent just over 30 dollars for all of my supplies and it was worth every penny!

 

So, there you have it…your own custom jewelry case is just a trip to the Salvation Army and the fabric store away!

I’ll leave you with this:

 

“The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize” – Clairee Belcher (“Steel Magnolias”)

– Laura


DID BRIAN WILLIAMS READ MY BLOG? ;P

Just a few days after my snarky commentary on the price point strategy employed by Goodwill Industries, I received a text from my mother, alerting me to the fact that Brian Williams’ show “Rock Center” was airing an expose regarding the wages paid to Goodwill workers.

Due to a loophole in the minimum wage laws, Goodwill is able to pay handicapped workers as little as 22 CENTS per hour (this means that the sale of two pairs of DONATED jeans would pay for an entire WEEK of work for one of these workers!), while Goodwill executives make  salaries such as 440,000 per year, up to 1.1 million dollars per year.  To make matters worse, Goodwill’s CEO went on record in an interview defending the practice.  I am more than outraged, I am disturbed and disgusted.

Goodwill turned a PROFIT of OVER $5,000,000,000.00…that’s right…Five BILLION dollars!!!!

Yet they can’t see fit to pay their workers even minimum wage?  For shame.

Workers at Apple’s Chinese “sweatshop” factory make $1.73 per hour.  What does this say about an organization which purports to help the disadvantaged?

Image

Your Goodwill donations:  Helping to exploit the handicapped since 1902.

Here’s a quote from Goodwill Industries:

“As a unique hybrid called a social enterprise, we defy traditional distinctions. Instead of a single bottom line of profit, we hold ourselves accountable to a triple bottom line of people, planet, and performance.”

I have one non-word for you Goodwill:  Pfffft!

Here’s the thing.  I’m a gal who believes in the capitalist system.  Supply and demand, work hard, make the best of what you have, etc.  But THIS?  No.  Just because it’s legal, doesn’t make it right.

“Goodwill” my a@#.

http://www.nbcnews.com/video/rock-center/52257275#52257275

Viva la revolucion,

Laura

p.s.  Write a letter, send an email, make a phone call, stage a protest or at LEAST share this post or send the link to anyone you know who shops at Goodwill.

p.p.s.  Please excuse me while I now step down from my soapbox.  Jokes and general snarkiness to resume on my next post.  :p

 

 

EYE-“POPPIN’ TAG” PRICES

So you say you’re in the mood for a cup of joe?  Well, don’t start that journey at Goodwill, my arabica bean loving friend.

 

Take a look at the photo.  Go ahead.  Do you see it?  Are you chuckling?  No?  Ok, look again.  I’ll wait.

 

(*whistles, taps toe, looks around.)

 

You’re back!  NOW do you get it?  I thought so.

 

*cue “The Circle of Life”

 

The above photographed mug, which began its journey at The Salvation Army has found its way to Goodwill and they’re selling it for 1.99.


 

Now, let me be clear.  I enjoy thrift stores.  More than just a little.  Kind of a lot.  Enough that I’m writing about them.  That said, their pricing practices can sometimes confound and confuse me.

 

I snapped the above photo at a Goodwill in Tucson, Arizona.  What you see is about 1/6th of the number of mugs they had for sale.  The lowest priced mug was 1.99, most seemed to be 2.99 and they went up from there, and there wasn’t a complete matched set in the ragamuffin bunch.  It was like a Dickensian orphanage for mugs.

 

This got me to thinking about my penchant for buying nearly exclusively secondhand.  Is that always the most economical choice?  The answer is no.  Not always, and especially not if one is shopping at Goodwill.

 

Here are a few examples of the retail prices for mugs I found with a quick google search:


How about a perfectly lovely mug from Crate & Barrel?  Granted, it won’t have any personalized chips on the handle, pre-applied Sanka rings on the interior, or the remains of an unknown user’s Fashion Two Twenty Party Pink lipstick on the rim, but at four cents LESS than the average price for a USED mug at the above Goodwill, you can’t deny that it’s a steal!

 

 

Is a customized mug more to your liking?  You can have one with your company logo, a photo of your grandchildren or “My Tardis Brakes for Yard Sales” emblazoned on the front for a mere $4.43 (or 1.08 if you have need for 5,000+ of them.)  Now, this might be slightly more than the $2.99 you’ll pay at Goodwill, but let’s not forget that they use LEAD FREE inks!  That’s gotta be worth just under an extra buck fiddy.


 

Last but not least, let’s consider the fact that you might want something really special, simply have expensive taste or maybe you throw money around like Lil’ Wayne at a strip club.  You can make it rain at the Bloomingdale’s website…that’s right, BLOOMINGDALE’S.   There you can procure a unique and interesting mug for less than thirty dollars.

 

Now I put the question to you:  Is the Goodwill mug a bargain?  I would argue that it is not.

 

The point I’m making is that what appears to be a bargain on the surface, may not really be.  Do your research, pay attention and know what matters to you.  Thrift stores and yard sales are a wonderful resource for creating a beautiful home on a budget, but they’re not the only resource.

 

While the average American paycheck remains stagnant, or for many has become nonexistent, and the prices on many consumer goods and services continue their seemingly endless downturn (gasoline, milk and pro athlete salaries notwithstanding) the prices at many national chain thrift stores (based on my colloquial observations) have enjoyed a steady spike.  So, what gives?  As far as I can tell, there is only one explanation:  The folks pricing the goodies at Goodwill are on crack.  All of them.  On crack.  Crack cocaine.  However it is that one ingests crack, they’re doin’ it.  They must be doing SO much crack that they’ve lost their foothold on reality.  Just sitting in the back, doin’ crack, and pricing stuff.  Perhaps they REALIZE the prices are outlandish, but they need the money in order to support their dozen cracks a day, Costco-sized portions habit, I don’t know.  I am not an expert on crack.  All I know is that crack has GOT to be a factor.  Right?  Yeah, sure, right.

 

My mother shops at Macy’s.  She has a Macy’s card.  She has frequently regaled me with  stories of the bargains she has found, such as a perfectly lovely designer top for FOUR DOLLARS and seventy cents (on clearance with Macy’s coupon.)  Now, contrast that with the fact that if I walk into my local area Goodwill and saunter down the long sleeved shirt aisle I can find any number of stained, pilly, out of style Mossimo tops.  The cost?   FIVE DOLLARS and seventy nine cents.  What?  WHAT?  Yeah.  Seriously.

 

So, assuming that my crack theory is off target, what on earth could lead the powers that be at Goodwill to these ludicrous price point decisions?  Greed?  A complete lack of knowledge of retail trends?  An utter inability to give a s*%@?

 

Inquiring minds want to know.

 

In order to prove my point (because, hey, what girl doesn’t want her point proven?) I stopped in a local Goodwill location recently and snapped some photos.  It was NOT difficult to find these examples of rampant crack-headery.  I was in the store for maybe five minutes.  I didn’t even scratch the surface of the UNdeals to be had.  Check it out and get your outrage on:



Exhibit A:  Six-year-old iPod docking station. Missing buttons.  MELTED.  8.99  EIGHT DOLLARS AND NINETY-NINE CENTS!!!  I found a brand new iHome docking station online at Office Depot for 21.99.

 

I could rest my case here, but let’s move forward, shall we?

 

 

Exhibit B:  Canon Electronic calculator.  Let the record show that said calculator has missing parts, is paint bespeckled, clearly began its life during the Carter administration, is no longer in possession of its red nor its black ribbon and has no power cord. 12.99.

 

I found a brand new Canon Electronic calculator online with more features for 18 dollars.

 

Exhibit C:  Older model George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine!  Missing parts.  Greasy interior.  17.99.  Yep!  17.99.  Your honor, I object…to this pricing strategy!

 

I am pretty sure that the number of George Foreman grills on the secondhand market outnumbers the total number of men, women and children living in the lower forty eight states.  I haven’t run the actual numbers, or conducted a poll or done “research” per se, but I stand by my calculations.  I have never purchased a George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine!, yet I am confident that if I went into my kitchen right now and checked the dark recesses of my cabinets, I would find that one had magically appeared.  Maybe they’re mating when we’re not looking.  Maybe they are an alien lifeform sent here to study our curious ways (and reduce our fat intake.)  Maybe Americans buy a lot of stuff we don’t need….nah!  It’s probably the alien thing.

 

At any rate, what I’m saying is that there is a glut of George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machines! out there.  If what we learned in high school economics holds true and value can typically be determined by the number of items available vs. desire/consumption of said items (supply and demand) then I am going to go out on a limb and say that this teflon coated item is overpriced.

 

Here is an example of one that actually sold on eBay recently, keeping in mind that almost ALL of the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machines! (Whew!  The person who named the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine! could never be accused of being overly concise…I am burning fat just typing the name!) of this vintage remained unsold:


 

99 cents.  Even factoring in shipping, this lucky (sure, let’s say lucky?) buyer saved themselves nearly half off of the Goodwill price…and it was offered complete, in good condition and with all of its parts and accessories.



Exhibit D:  VERY broken Rowenta Iron.  12.99.  Sigh.  Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you will hear testimony that this iron did aid and abet Goodwill in their attempt to willfully and wantonly murder the bank accounts of their customers.

 

Now, granted, this Rowenta comes with complimentary greasy mystery stains (perhaps it was gettin’ cozy after store hours with the GEORGE FOREMAN LEAN MEAN FAT REDUCING GRILLING MACHINE!  As we’ve already surmised the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine! IS all about reproducing, after all)  but I did find a Rowenta iron online at Lowe’s for 31.99.  Lowe’s typically sells its irons WITH the handles attached, so, you know, there’s that to consider.

 

Madam Foreman (lean mean fat reducing grilli…oops, sorry, it’s force of habit at this point), what say you?

 

“We find the defendant.  Goodwill Industries GUILTY on all charges!”

 

 

Now, all of this said, I must admit that I do still find bargains at Goodwill, but they are becoming fewer and further between.  There are a few locations I no longer bother to frequent, their pricing has become so outlandish.  The prices seem appropriate for about 3% of the merchandise.  The rest is better left behind.  So what has happened?  Thrift stores that are SO packed to the gills, one can barely flip through the racks without sustaining Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, make heads or tails of the precariously stacked dishware, or sort one’s way through the cracked tchotchkes without setting off an avalanche of dust and Home Interiors figurines, that’s what.  What happens then?  Damaged merchandise.  Is it just me, or is this pricing strategy counterproductive to Goodwill’s mission?  These prices are certainly not helping those in need to buy clothes or other necessary goods for their families and I have seen the racks and shelves SWELL with product as the prices continue to rise, which tells me people are buying fewer items.  Would not a more reasonable price move more product and help more people?  The cost behind running the thrift store (rent/utilities/staff/insurance/etc.) does not escape me, nor does the fact that the proceeds benefit other good causes, but I can’t help but think that all would be better served by lowering the prices and selling much, much more.

 

Throw down that pair of high-waisted acid washed jeans, the VHS copy of “Short Circuit II”  and the painfully ugly 1980’s sweater (they’re not ironic anymore anyway, they’re just ugly), America!  Stand on a nearby rickety table and go Norma Rae on their behinds!  Call your regional area Goodwill representative and tell them to stop doin’ crack, get in a twelve step program and get to gettin’ at making amends!

 

LOWER PRICES NOW!  LOWER PRICES NOW!  LOWER PRICES NOW!



p.s.  My apologies to any of my readers who do crack.  I’m sorry to have associated you with the folks pricing the merchandise at Goodwill.

 

Godspeed fellow bargain hunters,

 

Laura

 

HOW TO FOLD SHEETS PERFECTLY or: ONE MORE REASON I ADORE MY GRANDMA

 

Does your linen closet look like it was last organized by a sleepwalking bandicoot wearing mittens?  Well, read on for the tools you need to skin that bandicoot and neatly fold his hide!



(The author’s grandmother, a few years ago, just before she turned 90.)

I love linens.  I love truly fine linens. I love vintage linens. I love unique linens.  I love drying off after a shower with thick, plush, white towels.  I love that moment of slipping into crisp, cool, freshly laundered sheets.  I love a newly made bed.

I also love a beautiful, well-organized linen closet.  My former linen closet and I, however, have been torn asunder.

I used to own quite a collection of linens.  I acquired vintage chenille bedspreads galore.  I amassed dozens of sets of vintage embroidered pillowcases.  I folded and stacked antique quilts aplenty.  My collection has since been pared down rather substantially and the reason is twofold.  The first being that I simply decided it was time for much of it to move on to a new home, but before I tell you the second reason, let me tell you a story.

When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time with my Grandma Beck.  I love my grandma.  She is sweet, generous, hilariously funny, industrious, self-reliant, and she’s just contrary enough to let you know that all of that sweet is genuine (and to keep you on your toes.)

(Who rocks comedic eyewear?  Beck does!)

My grandma loves to feed people.  If you want to make my grandma happy, mention that you’re starving, she’ll be thrilled.   If you’re not ravenous, she’ll settle for a tad bit peckish, and if you can’t manage either of those, for heaven’s sake at LEAST say you might have room for a sliver of pie (FYI:  your “sliver” will be 1/6 of an entire pie.)  As you might imagine, I’ve spent a lot of time in my grandmother’s kitchen, most of it sitting at the kitchen table, watching her prepare food.

 

At this point you may be wondering what ANY of this has to do with linens.  Well, be PATIENT!

Growing up, I loved watching my grandmother cook.  Of course I enjoyed the end result because she’s really good at it, but I liked the process too.  Her cabinets used to make a SNAP sound when they closed that I can still remember.  Snap!  Snap!  Snap!  During the cooking process she would sometimes swear (her rated G version) when something like bacon grease popped on her hand, she would often set off the smoke alarm with the heat from what she was cooking, but she would always, at some point in the process, while attempting to retrieve a necessary implement or ingredient from the deep dark recesses of a poorly designed corner cabinet, while wielding a flashlight she kept in the cabinet for these occasions mutter:  “I’d like to get my hands on that old man that designed this kitchen.”

 

Anything in construction that is poorly thought through, in the estimation of my grandmother, is CLEARLY the work of “Some Old Man.”  Bathroom stall doors that open IN, rather than out?  “Some Old Man.”  Basement steps that are too steep?  “Some Old Man.”  Cabinets with three feet of nearly unusable space?  Everybody together now:  “SOME OLD MAN!”

It gradually came to my understanding over time that when my grandmother uses the word old in this or a similar context, she doesn’t necessarily mean advanced in age.  She is using old as an ersatz swear word.  I think what she meant was:  “Some D#*% Man.”

After moving into the townhouse where my daughter and I live now, I realized that the house had NO linen closet.  None.  The building was constructed in 2005.  No linen closet?  REALLY?  I uttered these words before I even realized what was coming out of my mouth:  “Well, it’s pretty obvious that SOME MAN designed this house without even bothering to consult with a woman.”  Sigh.  Yep.  I skipped turning into my mother and went straight to becoming my grandmother.  You know what though?  SHE’S RIGHT!  The things in my current home with which I take issue are all things that I have to believe could have been easily remedied with a quick conversation between the builder and a woman with even the tiniest bit of savvy.  They built a pantry, but did not see fit to include electrical outlets in said pantry, forgot to leave room anywhere in the kitchen for a trash can, brooms, etc.  The only additional closet in the house is a coat closet (which should only be said with accompanying air quotes) the size of a priority mail envelope.  There is not a place in the entire house in which to store your vacuum and the bathrooms are a wanton waste of space devoid of storage and with no medicine cabinets.

Please understand that I’m not complaining.  I am merely observing.  Everyday.  Every day I observe what “Some Man” has wrought.

DAMN YOU “SOME MAN!”

 

And there it is.  The linen closet – Grandma Beck connection.

As you may have guessed, the lack of a linen closet was the second reason for the thinning of my linen collection.  It’s not nonexistent; it’s just been carefully pruned to only the most necessary, most beautiful or best-loved pieces.

 

And now, after all of that, we get to the point of this post:

THE VERY BEST WAY (In my humble opinion), BAR NONE TO STORE SHEETS!

 

I call it the “sheet packet.”  The sheet packet makes it unnecessary to go scrounging through your linen cabinet for pillowcases.  The sheet packet makes it a quick grab and go exercise when it’s time to change the bed.  The sheet packet (and this is my favorite part) looks neat and tidy when you open the linen closet door and gaze upon your home’s necessaries.

Here’s how I do it:

First, fold your fitted sheet.  Everyone seems to have trouble with this step.  It’s easier than you think.  There are lots of tutorials out there on how to fold a fitted sheet, so I’ll keep this quick:  grab a corner; we’ll call it bottom right.  Turn it inside out with your hand inside.  Take the top right corner and fold it over your hand, right side out.  Move on to the top left corner (inside out), lastly, add bottom left (right side out.)  Shake out the edges and lay it on the bed.  At this point you should have a square with ONE curved corner.  Neaten it up (easily done when it’s laying down rather than trying to do it while you’re holding it.)  Put the curved corner on the upper left, so that these instructions will make sense.  Fold the left edge inward about a third.  This means that now your curved edge is gone, you’re left with a rectangle.  Now fold the right side in by about a third.  Now, fold up from the bottom, in thirds or fourths, depending on the size of the sheets.

Set aside.

Fold the pillowcases next.  I fold mine once in the middle, with the open edge left on the top, flip them over, fold them by thirds, then in half again…so that when they’re flipped over the decorative open edge is on top and no raw edges are showing on the sides or the front.  Place the pillowcases on top of the folded fitted sheet.  You should have something like this:


Set aside.

Fold the top sheet in half, bringing the bottom to meet the top edge.  Now fold in half side to side.  Lay flat on the bed and smooth out any wrinkles. Set your fitted sheet in the center; with the pillowcases still side by side on top of the fitted sheet.



Bring the “raw” edged side of the sheets in first (meaning the side that doesn’t show a fold, but does show the open edges of the sheets.)

 

and then bring in the other side.


Next fold up from the bottom, covering the fitted sheet,



fold the entire packet over once more and VOILA!  Sheet packet!


From the front you’ll see only the round folded edge.  From the sides you’ll see only clean edges and when you’re ready to change your sheets you can grab the whole thing with one hand and you’ll know that you have everything you need!

By the way, my grandmother did eventually get a new kitchen.  She was in her eighties when it finally came to fruition.  New range, new dishwasher, new countertops and yes, new cabinets…including a corner cabinet with rotating shelves designed by someone other than “Some Old Man.”  Her new corner cabinet is Beck approved.  She deserves it.  I’ll miss the snap the old cabinets made, and I suppose part of me will miss her snapping at That Old Man…but it makes me happy to think that she is content.

 

– Laura

 

p.s.  Now you know from whence my contrary comes.  😉

YOU LOST ME AT CAT CONDO

So, you say you sometimes judge a book by it’s cover? We’re all guilty.

Dear yard sale proprietor or proprietress,

If, as I approach your driveway my gaze is met with a cat tower, rest assured that after a cursory glance at the fur sprinkled geodes, half burned patchouli scented candle and pilly Snuggie, I will likely be on my way.

Sincerely,

Laura

We’ve all done it. If you’ve ever been to a yard sale there’s that moment as your tires are just coming to a stop and you glance toward the garage/driveway/front lawn and you know. You just KNOW. Whether you’re excited or disappointed, you just know.  It’s not that it’s bad. Cat condo lady had some things that another buyer might be all over. It just wasn’t my kind of stuff.

It can happen that way with people sometimes too. You meet someone and instantly know that they’re your kind of folk, or you know instantly that they most certainly are not. This doesn’t mean that one is good and one is bad…it’s just about whether or not it fits. It’s instinct and I believe in trusting your gut.

That said, there is something to occasionally taking a second look. I’ll usually give every yard sale a chance, even if it looks like a disaster from the curb. I’ve often been rewarded by a hidden gem. The same goes for people. Someone who may at first blush appear to be the type with whom you could never bond has an attribute just beneath the surface that you’ll respect.

In short: Trust your gut, but open your mind and your heart. Learn to recognize the difference between instinct and preconceived notion.

P.S. But for the love of Pete, buy a lint roller. It never hurts to be prepared.

RAINY DAYS AND MONDAYS GOT YOU DOWN?

So you say you woke up hearing the song stylings of Karen Carpenter playing in your head?  Well, me too, my friend.  Me too.

Well, not exactly.

Don’t get me wrong.  I actually love rainy days, and I adore rainy nights (*cue Eddie Rabbit), but when that rainy day is a Saturday, well my adoration of rain becomes a love/hate relationship.

I’ve missed yard sales three weekends in a row.  THREE.  In a ROW!  Let me explain through an appropriately erudite analogy, if I may:

If my Saturdays were The Price is Right, by 8am this past Saturday the little lederhosen wearing mountain climber yodeled his way right off the cliff.  No La-Z-Boy Morgan recliner, no Howard Miller Vercielli grandfather clock, no Aqua-bot pool cleaner.  Nope.  Not even a copy of the home game or some lousy Rice-A-Roni. Maybe I wanted some Rice-A-Roni! I mean, IT’S THE SAN FRANCISCO TREAT, for crying out loud!

I don’t skip yard sale days.  I don’t.  Let me give you a list of some things that  have not kept me from yard sales in the past:

Inclement weather (if you’re brave enough to haul it out and put little fluorescent stickers on your unwanted stuff, I’ll be polite enough to show up.)
My own birthday (never underestimate the power of chirping “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” as you approach a sale to earn you a discount)
Holidays (religious and otherwise)
Non-contagious illness (it’s called WALKING pneumonia for a reason!  Walk it off, Champ!)
Doctor Who marathon (I’ll record it)Threat of a zombie apocalypse (albeit a small one…chance, not a “small” zombie apocalypse…is there ever a “small” zombie apocalypse?)Houseguests (they’re welcome to come with and usually do)Parties (who schedules a party before noon on a Saturday anyway?  Stop doing  that.)

Sporting events (whew!)

Lack of funds (what do you think that change jar is for…parking meters?)

In a typical year I might miss four or five Saturdays.  We haven’t even cracked the seal on February and I’ve missed three!  So, what has led me to this lowly state?  I’ll tell you!  Acts of God and Pestilence!!  Ok, two weekends of steady downpours bookending a Saturday spent fighting off the flu.  Now, on those two rainy days I would have been happy to head out into it, if anybody in my area had had the common decency to haul their unwanted items to the garage and roll open the door, but can you believe most people seemed to think that wasn’t a good idea?  Pfft.

I’ve discovered that the disappointment of missing a few weeks in a row has had a cumulative and ever widening effect on my psyche.  No yard sales means missed opportunity.  Missed opportunity means lack of inspiration.  Lack of inspiration means lack of motivation.  Lack of motivation means inertia.

It’s not surprising, but is a bit of a low blow that these days have happened along during a particularly trying time in my life.  So, this set me to thinking about how common the downward spirals toward inertia are for all of us.

Most of us have experienced it.  It can be something as monumental as the death of someone close to you, or it can start off as small as a speedbump.  Maybe a friend let you down.  Maybe your transmission went out and you couldn’t afford to fix it.  Maybe Trader Joe’s decided that their “Pleasantly Tart” non-fat frozen yogurt (Pinkberry knock-off) is a seasonal item and you don’t DESERVE to have it in December, even though you enjoy it’s pleasant tartness year round!  Whatever the PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE reason you may have for feeling a little down, it can sometimes grow to much larger proportions.

You may have noticed the lengthy gap between my last blog entry and this one.  It was one of those times.  Luckily, I’m not a litigious person, so Trader Joe’s can rest easy, but let’s just say this girl could have benefited greatly from some yogurty goodness to ease her burdens a bit.  I’ve made my own frozen yogurt, but somehow it’s just not the same, and according to the AMA, sating my unrewarded craving for fake Pinkberry by powering back an entire 56oz party sized bag of M&Ms in one sitting could be “deadly.” (*eye roll)

So, what do we do?  It’s different for each of us, but I’ve found that what has always worked for me in the past was to combat the inertia with a project.  The project was seldom what I should have been doing, but if I felt unable to do what I should, at least I would do what I could.  This was very effective.  I recommend it highly.  Many a bathroom has received a coat of paint by my hand while under the influence of disappointment.  I found that the pride of finishing something would propel me towards doing more and more.  It created forward momentum.

When I am forced by unforeseen circumstances to miss a yard sale day, sometimes I’ll hit a thrift store or two, maybe I’ll look around for something I procured at a yard sale in the past with a project in mind and work on that, or even better…clean out a few closets and start gathering some things for my own yard sale!

That said, I’ve discovered recently that there is also a certain amount of quiet productivity that comes from allowing yourself the space to just be.  You don’t have to wallow in whatever is causing you pain, in order to fully experience it.

These times will come and go.  We can either sink into despair, or pay attention to what the universe is telling us.

That, and paint the bathroom.  Seriously.  Consider it.

Get out of bed, put on your lederhosen and COME ON DOWN!  In the game of Plinko that is life, you have unlimited chips…you just have to play them.

The Provenance Makes it Personal

So you say it’s all just used junk?  Well, I happen to disagree, my friend!

WHY THE STORY BEHIND MY “STUFF” MAKES ME SMILE

I like pretty things.  In a lot of ways, it’s as simple as that.  Who doesn’t?  I think we can agree that pretty things are, by and large, universally liked.  You’ve become pretty jaded if you start saying:  “Ugh.  Pretty things?  Pfft.  No thanks.”  That said, that’s not the only reason the things in my home make me happy.  Obviously some things have a place here because they’re practical.  Quite a few things are in my home because they make me giggle.  There is one thing that almost all of the items in my home have in common and that is that they have a story.

This vintage crystal dish was a recent aquisition:

  It was a chilly Sunday afternoon and my daughter and I were out and about.  We went to an estate sale, which, having been held Friday and Saturday as well, was in it’s final death throes.  At most estate sales, by the end of the day on Sunday the carcass has pretty much been stripped clean, the bones left to dry in sun.  The first hour or so of an estate sale is a frenetic feeding frenzy.  Folks are hopped up on the adrenaline that can only come from the thrill of possible treasure, filling their arms with pre-loved riches and rushing from room to room snatching up lace doilies and mismatched kitchenware as if they’re on some real life, musty scented version of “Supermarket Sweep.”  By Sunday afternoon, a random shopper will wander through occasionally, mostly with looks of disappointment or scorn, surveying what meager offerings remain, eyeballing the poor soul having the sale almost as if it is a personal affront to them that nothing is left.

This particular sale, much as it’s proprietress, had retained some of it’s youthful beauty.  In my, never to be humble, opinion, there were a few reasons for the quantity and desirability of what remained:

1.  Location:  Not only was the property off the beaten path, but the GPS map was even a bit “off” in how it displayed the street, which was actually more like an alley.

(Side note:  Always keep a graphic street guide handy folks!  Don’t become so dependent upon GPS that you forget how to read a map.  In the event of a zombie apocalypse, do you think you’ll have GPS?  No!  Hope for the best (no zombie apocalypse) prepare for the worst (zombie apocalypse) and you’ll be better off for it.)

2.  There were very few signs.  What signs there were had been poorly placed and had no arrows.

3.  The prices were high.  Not “have you been smoking crack?” high, but pricier than the typical yard sale clientele are eager and willing to pay.

4.  The prices were high because her things were VERY nice…however, because they weren’t nice in a flashy or ostentatious way, but were nice in an elevated and refined way, a lot of patrons were overlooking their value.  She knew what she had and wanted a fair price for those things.  For instance, she had a leather bound Bottega Veneta organizer.  Now, had it been a Louis Vuitton organizer swimming in “LOOK AT ME!” LV logos, it would have been snapped up early on.  Because its mark was embossed, quietly, on the inside, shoppers had passed it by.

4.  On Saturday, when I had first visited the sale, the woman hosting it was, well, let’s say not bubbly.  Ok, why mince words?  She was flat out unfriendly.  It seemed as if the process of people mauling her treasures, approaching her with said treasures, which she had carefully accumulated over a lifetime, and offering her 25 cents each for them had in some way offended her and affected her mood.  Who woulda thunk it?

So, for all of these reasons, my daughter and I, the only people browsing at this point, found ourselves oohing and ahhing over some pretty fantastic stuff.

The crystal dish above was an item I had seen on Saturday.  At that time the woman hosting the sale, a beautiful woman in probably her late seventies, who my daughter described as having “great style and the perfect glasses”, had, when I chirpily asked the price, snarled at me that it was “Twenty dollars and not a penny less.”  On Sunday, her mood had softened.  She was lovely.  The stress and anxiety of Saturday had left  her and she chatted freely, sharing stories of every item on which we commented.  I touched the dish on Sunday and she told me that it sat on her mother’s coffee table for decades.  Looking at the dish she said:  “Do you like it?  You should have it.  It’s only five dollars.  Please take it.”

I have to say, I had no business spending even five dollars that particular day, I went because I thought we might find some things that my daughter wanted.  But in that moment, I grew attached to the dish.  I was enamored with it and with her.  The dish had grace and a casual elegance.  I was impressed with her grace, and her elegance.  Even her only thinly veiled superiority was charming on that day, rather than off-putting.  Also endearing was that she clearly wanted me to have that dish.  Not that she wanted to make the sale, please understand.  It was something different.  Perhaps in her mind it would go somewhere that it would be cherished, rather than hauled off to Goodwill.

I paid it.  I gave her five dollars.  I brought it home, washed it, dried it and set it out, and guess what?  I do cherish it.  The crystal has soft gentle curves and feels almost silky when I touch it.  The lid’s finish is imperfect and I love it’s aged patina.  When the light hits it, it explodes in a rainbow of colors.  It feels to me as if it belongs in my home.

As much as I cherish the dish, what I cherish even more is that every time I look at that dish, I’ll remember that day.  My daughter and I had a wonderful time, we laughed and talked, we had a lot to say on the way home after the sale…about the house, about what we had found (even about the items we left behind!) and about the woman who we met. She was special. For whatever reason, that day was special to me.

All of these things, all over my house, they have a connection.  To their previous owner, to events in my life during the time in which each item was purchased, to how they connect in ways small and large to everything else in my home.  I appreciate them.  Tremendously.

Have gratitude for all of the little things all around you.

 Every day you wake up and there’s NOT a zombie apocalypse, appreciate it.  😉

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