Tardis

SNOW SHOE SPRUCE-UP or: How to Make a TARDIS Jacket in Five Easy Steps!

So you say your pre-loved item needs to be depersonalized or a less than ideal item needs to be customized? Well keep on scrollin’, my friend…

Last winter, I needed boots for cold, yucky weather. My wallet needed me not to need boots for cold, yucky weather. Clearly, we were at an impasse.

I went to a moving sale.

Said moving sale had advertised “LOTS AND LOTS OF SIZE 6/6.5 SHOS AND BOOTS!” (The author of the post left out the E, but I was pretty sure I knew what she meant.) Well, hot diggity dog! Now you’re playin’ my song, yard sale ad posting lady! I’m in!

I arrived just in time to see a woman walk away with what appeared to be every pair of shoes at the sale. She had an oversized clothes basket filled with them. MOUNDED! OVERFLOWING!

Drat.

Oh well. Next time.

But then what did I spy with my little eye? These very waterproof Sorel boots, which appeared to have been worn only once or twice. They were barely even scuffed on the soles! Oooooh! I was giddy with excitement!!! I raised them aloft in my right hand, pointed to them with my left and was just about to ask the proprietress the price when I saw it. Scrawled in ink (SHARPIE ink, no less) on the outside of BOTH shoes, the name of the former owner (her daughter I assumed.)

Drat.

Oh well. Next time.

Hand came down, pointer finger assumed the at ease position.

“I know!” called the proprietress with a shrug. “Nobody’s gonna buy those.”

I nod, sympathetically.

“If you’re buying that” (she points to the hardcover copy of Bill Bryson’s “At Home” that I have since picked up) “you can have the boots.”

Rrrr?

Yep. I’m in.

I had no idea how I’m going to get Sharpie off of waterproof nylon, but I was going to try…and try I did!

To no avail.

It wouldn’t even budge! I couldn’t even achieve success at a slight fading of the marks.

So what now, you ask?

Well here’s what I told myself: They can’t get worse. Even if I attempt something drastic and it’s a complete flop, no big deal…they were free and I don’t really want to wear them as is. A grown woman with her name written on her boots would be sad enough. A grown woman with SOMEONE ELSE’S name written on her shoes? Now that’s too far.

Soooo….

Step One: I grabbed a silver paint pen and a gold paint pen, left over from a project my daughter had done a few months ago and without preamble began drawing daisies on the boots. I completely obscured the Sharpie scrawlin’s and it really didn’t look half bad! It’s not fabulous, but it’s passable and the boots worked as a stop-gap measure until I found something better/cuter/less paint-penned. 🙂

Step Two: There is no step two! You’re done! Relax and enjoy the rest of your day! 🙂

Let it snow!

Imagine what you could do with some forethought and a rainbow of paint pens!

This project would, of course, work on a variety of items, not just snow boots. Keep scrolling for just one of the projects this one inspired my daughter and I to tackle!

After the success last winter with the snow shoes, I found a vintage Members Only jacket at a yard sale this past Saturday. That, in and of itself, was a pretty righteous score, but the fact that it was blue got me to thinking. What if my daughter Hadley and I made a TARDIS jacket?

For those of you out there who aren’t Doctor Who fans, I’ll explain. The TARDIS is The Doctor’s spacey wacey, timey wimey machine. It looks like a police call box. If you’re not into Doctor Who, feel free to make a jacket for yourself with Mork & Mindy, The Cat from Outer Space, Alf, or any other alien, however inferior they may be to The Doctor. Nobody is judging you. Ok, yeah, we’re judging you. ALF? Really?

Here are the easy steps and some pointers for customizing a jacket of your own (no sonic screwdriver necessary):

Step 1. Gather your supplies:

Get a jacket: I suggest something in a fabric such as waterproof nylon, Gortex or with manmade fibers. (The paint is less likely to bleed.)

I am of the opinion that if one is attempting a project for the first time, it’s advisable to start with something in which you have very little invested. I spent only one dollar on this jacket. Maybe you have one laying around that you don’t wear anymore, that has a stain or you could pick one up at a yard sale or a thrift store. (This way you’re less likely to bleed money.)

Get a pencil, an eraser and some paint pens: We used DecoColor paint pens. It is important to use permanent (oil based) pens for a project like this and NOT water based…otherwise the colors will run if they are exposed to any water. It also makes clean up trickier (see below) but there’s no way around that if you ever want to launder your item, spot clean it, or if you live in Seattle.

We found ours at Michael’s Crafts and used the weekly 40% off coupon (available in their flier, online, or via the Michael’s smart phone app.) These paint markers are available on their website:

http://www.michaels.com/Uchida-DecoFabric-Marker—Basics/gc1666,default,pd.html?cgid=products&start=25

Get snacks: We made poor choices. We went with Trolli PeachieO’s. PeachieO’s are available at Michael’s Craft stores, your local Gas n’ Sip, or anywhere snack time dreams are dashed.

Now that you have your supplies it’s time to get with it!

Step 2. Look online for a picture of the TARDIS to use as a blueprint of sorts. This is the picture Hadley found:

We used this picture in an effort to keep things really simple. We weren’t going for over the top fabulous, just easy and straightforward, because it was the first attempt.

Step 3. Sketch out what you want to paint in pencil before you make it permanent. Picasso’s first word as a baby was “piz” (short for lapiz…the Spanish word for pencil) so, yeah, don’t get too cocky here. If it was good enough for Picasso, it’s good enough for you and me. If you’re going for something with a lot of straight lines, winging it might not be your best option in this case.

Helpful hint: Before you start drawing and especially before you start painting, put a piece of foam core (always my first choice if I have it on hand), cardboard, or at least some paper bags or plastic between the layers of the garment and also between the garment and the surface on which you’ll be working. This obviously protects your furniture, but placing a layer between the front and back of the jacket gives you something of substance on which to press your pencils/pens. It also protects the front of the jacket from paint that might soak through.

Step 4. At this point start going over what you did in pencil with paint pens. In our case, Hadley drew the white outline, I filled in the blue and then touched up the white. This version is VERY simple, but you could get much more intricate if you have the time and are so inclined. In our case we are starting the project mere hours before my blog is scheduled to “hit the presses”, so intricate was off the table. We’ll be adding more to the jacket later, so check back for updated photos. 🙂

Helpful hint: In our haste some of the paint was smeared. We tried fingernail polish remover to take out the smears with no luck, but Oops! took it RIGHT off, leaving zero spot or residue behind. Oops! is pretty great stuff to keep on hand. It is available at Sherwin-Williams. I sometimes have trouble finding it, and since one can lasts almost as long as two presidential administrations, by the time I need another can the store where I bought it last has normally stopped carrying it, has gone out of business, or has been replaced by a Starbucks. Starbucks doesn’t carry Oops!

Corporate bastards.

You might want to take a break at this point. Wait a few minutes while the paint dries before moving on. You MIGHT consider Trolli PeachieO’s. I advise against it.

Step 5: Go back, fill in, touch up, wear and enjoy! Allons-y y’all!

Again, check back for a more finished product. I broke my finger and projects/typing have been a challenge…but there will be more to come soon!

Nanu-Nanu,

Laura

July 10, 2013 1

EYE-“POPPIN’ TAG” PRICES

So you say you’re in the mood for a cup of joe? Well, don’t start that journey at Goodwill, my arabica bean loving friend.

Take a look at the photo. Go ahead. Do you see it? Are you chuckling? No? Ok, look again. I’ll wait.

(*whistles, taps toe, looks around.)

You’re back! NOW do you get it? I thought so.

*cue “The Circle of Life”

The above photographed mug, which began its journey at The Salvation Army has found its way to Goodwill and they’re selling it for 1.99.

Now, let me be clear. I enjoy thrift stores. More than just a little. Kind of a lot. Enough that I’m writing about them. That said, their pricing practices can sometimes confound and confuse me.

I snapped the above photo at a Goodwill in Tucson, Arizona. What you see is about 1/6th of the number of mugs they had for sale. The lowest priced mug was 1.99, most seemed to be 2.99 and they went up from there, and there wasn’t a complete matched set in the ragamuffin bunch. It was like a Dickensian orphanage for mugs.

This got me to thinking about my penchant for buying nearly exclusively secondhand. Is that always the most economical choice? The answer is no. Not always, and especially not if one is shopping at Goodwill.

Here are a few examples of the retail prices for mugs I found with a quick google search:

How about a perfectly lovely mug from Crate & Barrel? Granted, it won’t have any personalized chips on the handle, pre-applied Sanka rings on the interior, or the remains of an unknown user’s Fashion Two Twenty Party Pink lipstick on the rim, but at four cents LESS than the average price for a USED mug at the above Goodwill, you can’t deny that it’s a steal!

Is a customized mug more to your liking? You can have one with your company logo, a photo of your grandchildren or “My Tardis Brakes for Yard Sales” emblazoned on the front for a mere $4.43 (or 1.08 if you have need for 5,000+ of them.) Now, this might be slightly more than the $2.99 you’ll pay at Goodwill, but let’s not forget that they use LEAD FREE inks! That’s gotta be worth just under an extra buck fiddy.

Last but not least, let’s consider the fact that you might want something really special, simply have expensive taste or maybe you throw money around like Lil’ Wayne at a strip club. You can make it rain at the Bloomingdale’s website…that’s right, BLOOMINGDALE’S. There you can procure a unique and interesting mug for less than thirty dollars.

Now I put the question to you: Is the Goodwill mug a bargain? I would argue that it is not.

The point I’m making is that what appears to be a bargain on the surface, may not really be. Do your research, pay attention and know what matters to you. Thrift stores and yard sales are a wonderful resource for creating a beautiful home on a budget, but they’re not the only resource.

While the average American paycheck remains stagnant, or for many has become nonexistent, and the prices on many consumer goods and services continue their seemingly endless downturn (gasoline, milk and pro athlete salaries notwithstanding) the prices at many national chain thrift stores (based on my colloquial observations) have enjoyed a steady spike. So, what gives? As far as I can tell, there is only one explanation: The folks pricing the goodies at Goodwill are on crack. All of them. On crack. Crack cocaine. However it is that one ingests crack, they’re doin’ it. They must be doing SO much crack that they’ve lost their foothold on reality. Just sitting in the back, doin’ crack, and pricing stuff. Perhaps they REALIZE the prices are outlandish, but they need the money in order to support their dozen cracks a day, Costco-sized portions habit, I don’t know. I am not an expert on crack. All I know is that crack has GOT to be a factor. Right? Yeah, sure, right.

My mother shops at Macy’s. She has a Macy’s card. She has frequently regaled me with stories of the bargains she has found, such as a perfectly lovely designer top for FOUR DOLLARS and seventy cents (on clearance with Macy’s coupon.) Now, contrast that with the fact that if I walk into my local area Goodwill and saunter down the long sleeved shirt aisle I can find any number of stained, pilly, out of style Mossimo tops. The cost? FIVE DOLLARS and seventy nine cents. What? WHAT? Yeah. Seriously.

So, assuming that my crack theory is off target, what on earth could lead the powers that be at Goodwill to these ludicrous price point decisions? Greed? A complete lack of knowledge of retail trends? An utter inability to give a s*%@?

Inquiring minds want to know.

In order to prove my point (because, hey, what girl doesn’t want her point proven?) I stopped in a local Goodwill location recently and snapped some photos. It was NOT difficult to find these examples of rampant crack-headery. I was in the store for maybe five minutes. I didn’t even scratch the surface of the UNdeals to be had. Check it out and get your outrage on:

Exhibit A: Six-year-old iPod docking station. Missing buttons. MELTED. 8.99 EIGHT DOLLARS AND NINETY-NINE CENTS!!! I found a brand new iHome docking station online at Office Depot for 21.99.

I could rest my case here, but let’s move forward, shall we?

Exhibit B: Canon Electronic calculator. Let the record show that said calculator has missing parts, is paint bespeckled, clearly began its life during the Carter administration, is no longer in possession of its red nor its black ribbon and has no power cord. 12.99.

I found a brand new Canon Electronic calculator online with more features for 18 dollars.

Exhibit C: Older model George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine! Missing parts. Greasy interior. 17.99. Yep! 17.99. Your honor, I object…to this pricing strategy!

I am pretty sure that the number of George Foreman grills on the secondhand market outnumbers the total number of men, women and children living in the lower forty eight states. I haven’t run the actual numbers, or conducted a poll or done “research” per se, but I stand by my calculations. I have never purchased a George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine!, yet I am confident that if I went into my kitchen right now and checked the dark recesses of my cabinets, I would find that one had magically appeared. Maybe they’re mating when we’re not looking. Maybe they are an alien lifeform sent here to study our curious ways (and reduce our fat intake.) Maybe Americans buy a lot of stuff we don’t need….nah! It’s probably the alien thing.

At any rate, what I’m saying is that there is a glut of George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machines! out there. If what we learned in high school economics holds true and value can typically be determined by the number of items available vs. desire/consumption of said items (supply and demand) then I am going to go out on a limb and say that this teflon coated item is overpriced.

Here is an example of one that actually sold on eBay recently, keeping in mind that almost ALL of the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machines! (Whew! The person who named the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine! could never be accused of being overly concise…I am burning fat just typing the name!) of this vintage remained unsold:

99 cents. Even factoring in shipping, this lucky (sure, let’s say lucky?) buyer saved themselves nearly half off of the Goodwill price…and it was offered complete, in good condition and with all of its parts and accessories.

Exhibit D: VERY broken Rowenta Iron. 12.99. Sigh. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you will hear testimony that this iron did aid and abet Goodwill in their attempt to willfully and wantonly murder the bank accounts of their customers.

Now, granted, this Rowenta comes with complimentary greasy mystery stains (perhaps it was gettin’ cozy after store hours with the GEORGE FOREMAN LEAN MEAN FAT REDUCING GRILLING MACHINE! As we’ve already surmised the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine! IS all about reproducing, after all) but I did find a Rowenta iron online at Lowe’s for 31.99. Lowe’s typically sells its irons WITH the handles attached, so, you know, there’s that to consider.

Madam Foreman (lean mean fat reducing grilli…oops, sorry, it’s force of habit at this point), what say you?

“We find the defendant. Goodwill Industries GUILTY on all charges!”

Now, all of this said, I must admit that I do still find bargains at Goodwill, but they are becoming fewer and further between. There are a few locations I no longer bother to frequent, their pricing has become so outlandish. The prices seem appropriate for about 3% of the merchandise. The rest is better left behind. So what has happened? Thrift stores that are SO packed to the gills, one can barely flip through the racks without sustaining Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, make heads or tails of the precariously stacked dishware, or sort one’s way through the cracked tchotchkes without setting off an avalanche of dust and Home Interiors figurines, that’s what. What happens then? Damaged merchandise. Is it just me, or is this pricing strategy counterproductive to Goodwill’s mission? These prices are certainly not helping those in need to buy clothes or other necessary goods for their families and I have seen the racks and shelves SWELL with product as the prices continue to rise, which tells me people are buying fewer items. Would not a more reasonable price move more product and help more people? The cost behind running the thrift store (rent/utilities/staff/insurance/etc.) does not escape me, nor does the fact that the proceeds benefit other good causes, but I can’t help but think that all would be better served by lowering the prices and selling much, much more.

Throw down that pair of high-waisted acid washed jeans, the VHS copy of “Short Circuit II” and the painfully ugly 1980’s sweater (they’re not ironic anymore anyway, they’re just ugly), America! Stand on a nearby rickety table and go Norma Rae on their behinds! Call your regional area Goodwill representative and tell them to stop doin’ crack, get in a twelve step program and get to gettin’ at making amends!

LOWER PRICES NOW! LOWER PRICES NOW! LOWER PRICES NOW!